MADISON — In a surprise move yesterday, the Boy Scouts of America announced they will begin court martial proceedings against Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin.The ultimate goal of the court martial, according to a Boy Scout press release, is to strip Walker of his Eagle Scout rank and "bust him all the way back to cleaning latrines. Really nasty latrines." The Scouts went on to say that the charges against Walker stem from his basic dishonesty, a callous disregard for "those of us who most need a helping hand," and generally giving a potful of public money to private individuals who don't need it.
"Scott Walker no longer personifies the Boy Scout ideal," the release concluded. "He will be stripped of his insignia, rank, and uniform, then marched to the nearest public toilet to begin his new Scouting assignment."
Walker spokesperson Cullen Werwie declined comment on the matter, claiming he was on his way to a singing engagement at the Federal Building in Milwaukee and had to save his voice. (Werwie has been granted immunity in a John Doe investigation into irregularities during Walker's recent campaign for the Governor's post. The probe is being conducted by Milwaukee County DA John Chisolm.)
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